The Relationship Phobe: 5 Soul Destroying Rejections That Broke My Fragile Soul

So I’m going to let you into a bit of a secret. I tell quite a lot of people that I tend to do quite well in the looking for love stakes, that rejection isn’t something I come across often, and bless them some of them actually believe me.  The reality though is you might as well stick a sticker across me that says “rejection point here” because I’ve not only had my fair share of rejections,  but I think I’ve probably had yours as well, however seeing as we haven’t got all year to talk about them let’s focus on five of the worst:

1. The Kindred Spirit

You know that feeling when you met someone and the moment you start talking to them it feels like you’ve known them all your lives? Well that warm, comfortable feeling was exactly what I got was with this woman that I met at a conference. From the moment we started speaking to each it felt like I was talking to a long lost friend, and we were a one topic due. Starting off with our first conversation being about the rather serious topic of the Holocaust by the end of the day we were chilling out with bottles of  beer, that we believed we were getting very drunk from (we later actually found out they were non alcoholic….), and not only putting the world to rights, but also competing for who could find the most derogatory thing to say to each other.

Now if you know me then you’d probably think I was destined to win that one.  I did too, but that was alright because t this French beauty was already a winner of something else. My very deep lust for her. In fact I was starting to get so carried away with these thoughts of lust for her that I hadn’t been paying full attention to her until she, in a rather drunken way (even though as you recall we weren’t actually drinking alcohol..) said “Do you sexy lady want to come back to my room, have wild passionate lesbian sex with me and then see where we go from there?” Now obviously there was only one answer to that. Yes, yes and yes.

And so I said just that in potentially the soppiest voice ever. To which she responded with “well there’s not a hope in hell my gay little English rose. I am as straight as they come and I’m not going to go all bendy just for you”.

Damn her, she not only rejected me but ruddy well won the insulting competition too!!

2. Well Known Celebrity

Ah the celebrity. Now let’s be honest the chance of most of us mere mortals actually succeeding with a celebrity does tend to verge between never and never ever ever, but hey you’ve got to try everything once don’t you….

And so after having gazed lovingly at this well known celeb, not just on my television screen, but also in a stalker like way in our local coffee shop on a number of occasions I decided this was silly. You only live once so next time we found ourselves face to face across a steaming cup of coffee I would say something really witty and funny to her, she’d fall in love with me, we’d go on a date,  get married, live in a house with a picket fence and spend weeks away relaxing the South of France.

And so the next time came.

It was perfect, there weren’t too many people around, she looked very relaxed and happy. This was destined to turn into a fairy tale come true.  Well  until I delivered said line. Mainly because I didn’t deliver said line. I instead delivered a totally different line. A line that consisted of one word. “Hello”. Now granted it did get a response, but “hello” back really isn’t the same as “Yes I definitely can see myself falling in love with you and marrying you”, and consisted of her then not sitting down absorbed in deep conversation with me, but going and sitting with a rather handsome looking man (did I not mention that she was straight?!)

Well anyway it was her loss. I mean who wants to date a celeb who always drinks her coffee in the shop in a takeaway cup because she’s worried about a mere mortal having touched the mug…. well actually if we’re honest that would still be  me.

Cue long unrequited love sigh.

3. Sporty Woman

Now this one isn’t going to immediately sound like a failure but I promise you it most certainly is. Meeting Sporty Woman when we ended up working together doing sports coaching for young kids we quickly discovered we had very similar personalities. We would make all the kids laugh with the banter and insults we traded between each other, and on one occasion rendered all of them completely unable to do anything for at least ten minutes when mid hockey demonstration we managed to rather painfully headbutt each other and nearly knock each other out.

As you can imagine they loved this comedy duos and thought we made a cool pair, and I have to admit I was thinking it too. However I was very focused on being professional so I didn’t do anything about it, that was until halfway through one session she stretched out her hand for me to give her something and I rather jokingly said “are you trying to hold my hand?”, the kids all giggled and she then proceeded to say yes she was, grabbed my hand and we very sweetly held hands for the next five minutes.

Now this rather wrongly gave me the impression that this was not her messing about but a jokey, yet at the same time serious way of showing how she actually felt about me. It was now or never. So after the coaching session was over I went in for the plunge and asked her out for a drink. And she said yes!  So off we go talking about how it was great it was all finally out in the open and how it had just taken a playful holding of hands for us to reveal our true love for each other.

Then we get to the bar. And she introduces me to her boyfriend who also somehow managed to be there and proceeds to tell the really funny story of how we’d held hands and then for the last hour had been cracking each other up by pretending we in love and off on a date.

Really the only thing that was cracking was my heart. Into two pieces. Ouch.

4. The Selectively Deaf Woman

I’m really hoping that I’m not the only one who has experienced this woman, but knowing my track record I probably am. Now being just outright rejected is bad, being not even considered serious enough to be rejected is worse ,but what really tops the lot is the not even acknowledging you’re saying anything that would need to be rejected.

Let me introudce Ms Selectively Deaf woman.

Now I knew from the first time I set eyes on Ms Selectively Deaf woman that I’d quite like to make her Mrs Selective Deaf woman, but at the same time I was also aware that I just really liked her as a person as well and didn’t really want to jump in straight away then lose any opportunity of having her in my life. So with all the willpower in the world I tried very hard to ignore any feelings and just work hard at building up a strong friendship. And we did, so much so that whilst I still had feelings for her I was beginning to think it wasn’t worth doing anything about them because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. However at the same time I couldn’t actually work out whether there wasn’t actually some feeling from her side too. It had to happen. I needed to find out if we were only ever going to just be friends.

Obviously anyone else would do the sensible thing and just ask her.. By now though you should realise I’m far from sensible when it comes to women so instead I thought I’d go with the flirting test. I would start to flirt with her and see what happened. If nothing but a horrified look occurred I’d just pretend it was all a joke (well it worked with Sporty Woman).

And so I gave it a try. And the result of my first attempt at flirting? Nothing. Nothing at all. There wasn’t a horrified look, there wasn’t a giggle, it was just like I’d said something perfectly innocent that you were just as likely to say to your parents or boss. So at the next opportunity I tried again…. and again…. again. Time after time, still nothing. Now the woman was either really really stupid and wouldn’t know what a flirt was unless it smacked her round the face like a wet fish, or she was so seriously not interested that she thought my advances weren’t worthy of a response and let me tell you an unspoken rejection is just as painful if not more than a real one!!!

5. The Actually I’m More Interested In Your Friend Woman

I’m going to be honest with you. Each of the above examples managed to chip away a sizable chunk of my self confidence but this one, well this was like a demolition ball to it.

So I’m at a bar with friends. I’ve now moved into the more mature “I don’t really drink anymore” stage of life (also known as getting older) so there’s no chance of me getting drunk, making a fool of myself and going off with someone I’m just going to regret going off with the next day.

And as boring as it sounds I have to admit I quite like this me. I make better conversation, I don’t think I’m wildly funny when I’m not and I actually get to spend quality time with friends, as opposed to be all filled with drink and full of misguided confidence and trying to chat up every female that catches my eye.

Having said that though I still manage to notice a hot looking woman when there’s one about, and this one night there definitely was.I was though pretty well convinced she was totally out of my league (let’s be honest she was about 6000 leagues above me) so I was more than happy to just enjoy the view. That was until I saw her standing at the bar looking at me and beckoning me to come over to her.  Trying to play it all cool I acknowledged her but waited for a bit pretending I was getting drink orders from everyone else.

Five minutes later I was casually walking over trying to think of something really intelligent and interesting to say to her. Well I really didn’t need to. As soon as I arrived at her side the first thing she said to me was “You’re not going out with that woman next to you are you?” Now I’m convinced this is a dream, she really can’t be that interested can she? Well actually no she wasn’t because her next line after I’d said no was “Can you introduce me, she’s seriously HOT!”

Well I didn’t like her anyway.

Photo credit: Todd Huffman