Michelle’s Marathon Madness: The Good And Bad Of Running A Marathon

So I actually managed to do it. I got round the 26.2 miles. I did it in neither an impressive, attractive or sexy way but the main thing is I did it, and now ladies and gentlemen I am ready to share with you the good and the bad of running a marathon…

Good things about running the marathon:

What a friendly bunch everyone is before you start running:
Now don’t get me wrong people don’t get less friendly as they go along, it’s just they have less puff and a lot more pain to deal with… Before the marathon it’s quite a different story. Waiting for the marathon to begin with all it’s delays could well have been a very nervous and lonely experience however as soon as I hit the Dodgers Stadium there was an amazing spirit with everyone chatting with each other like they’d known each other for years. I personally spoke to more people than I spoke to in all my time in LA away from the marathon and agreed to run about 16 marathons around the world with various men and women I’d never met before as well as telling all kinds of wild stories about why I was running with a Mel B barbie doll on my arm…

The supporters:
Without the supporters I think a lot of us runners who finished wouldn’t have. It might annoy the hell out of you at the time to have someone tell you “Pain is just weakness leaving the body” or “Pain is temporary but your time on the internet is forever” but it does cause you to find something in you that gives you the strength you didn’t know you had. They were also pretty darn amazing at having pieces of fruit and other delights to get your energy levels up again when you felt like you were going to keel over. I was particularly a sucker for the toddlers who held out things… I mean how could you refuse anything for those puppy dog eyes of theirs (I would also have taken anything Jennifer Beals tried to offer me for the very same reason…).

Finishing:
The best thing about the marathon without a doubt has to be finishing. Getting over the line and knowing you can finally stop is like all your Birthdays and Christmases coming at once…. well that is until the cramps set in and all you are focused on is not crying your eyes out!

Bad things about the marathon:

Realising you’ve started off a little fast:
Yes I know. It’s all about pacing yourself and I DID try, however for some reason at the beginning of the race however hard I tried I couldn’t stay on pace for more than 30 seconds… which I paid for big time at 11 mile. By 11 miles I was feeling hot, uncomfortable and cursing myself for not having more self control.

Achilles Tendons:
Seriously I don’t understand why we have them if they’re just going to be our weakness, and I have to admit I was slightly worried about my right one going into the marathon as it had been causing me issues all of the week running up to it. I had however been kind of reassured by the fact I was only in pain AFTER running. I therefore did not find it at all funny when at mile 6 I started to be in pain WHILST running. I also wasn’t happy that at that exact same time Just Sex by Billie Myers (the woman who got me to get myself into this silly mess) started playing on my iPhone.

Now believe me as hard as you imagine it you will not be imagine quite how much I cursed the woman loved and idolized by some many at that point. In fact I was so darn annoyed with her that I went to the lengthso of formulating a film script style conversation (look I had a lot of spare thinking time…) straight from the heart that would occur at the end which went something like this.

EXT. SANTA MONICA PIER – MARATHON END – AFTERNOON

Michelle has just finished the marathon, she’s cramping up and in some serious pain. The LA crew and imports made up of the lovely Val Guin, Mona , Halle Sherwin, Wen Foo, John Kwiatkowski and Billie Myers appear looking seriously impressed / excited that she’s actually finished it and in such style

BILLIE MYERS

Hey, you’ve finished! Wow…

Michelle look at her giving her an evil look that could cause instanteous death that Billie is only saved from because of her sunglasses

MICHELLE PENNY

You. You, don’t you talk to me. Because of you I have just been through what can only be described as one of the most painful experiences of my life. In fact to say I arrived at hell at mile 6 and remained there continuously at the end well that would be something of an understatement.

BILLIE MYERS

Ummm..

MICHELLE PENNY

(Cutting Billie off before she has the chance to say anything)

Yes And now that I’ve started… the carrying Baby Billie idea. Thanks for that. Such a funny idea. Really enjoyed it. Particularly for this rash that’s well let’s say stinging A LOT and has been for the last 25 miles of my life.

And you know what if you ever think about releasing a fourth album and want it promoted don’t even think about mentioning it to me. In fact as a courtesy to me don’t even release it in the UK as it will only ever be a painful reminder of this very painful day…

Sadly by the time I’d finished the marathon, got through those first cramping pains that involved me thinking I was going to die for about 15 minutes (thank you to the kind man who told me I looked like I was in a lot of pain but “was still looking cute”, we both know you were lying but you convinced me it might be worth trying to get up again), spent another 15 minutes trying to get my gear bag back from a pile of 25,000 bags before actually finding the delayed supporters I’d totally forgotten my film script and I believe came out with something as dramatic as “hello” to Ms Myers and crew.

Running On Your Lonesome:
It was great being part of 25,000 people running the marathon and I got to talk to some very cool people but personally I’d say if you’re going to run a marathon make sure you do it with other people you know.

Why?

Well firstly because running a marathon is a big thing to do and all the greatest experiences are best experienced with those closest to you, but also for another more selfish reason – when it gets tough in the marathon it gets seriously tough. For me 22 miles onwards involved some rather dark moments with some serious self loathing that seems to swing between “Why on earth are you doing this you idiot” (this is the polite version) to “What do you mean you’re thinking of stopping? How pathetic are you..” It sounds extreme but if you’ve run a marathon you’ll know what I’m talking about. Now I’m not saying running with friends / family (oh bless I can’t see any of my family running a marathon any time soon..) would stop this happening but the people who were running as a group who could moan happily between themselves were definitely coping better than us loners.

Drinking On The Run:
One thing I recommend any person running a marathon does is a lot of training. Not in the running sense but drinking out of small cups. Seriously after having run miles drinking out of bottles I thought I was set. Drinking and running was sooooo on.

Then the LA Marathon happened. Out of the first cup of water I think I got about three sips. The first sticky Powerade probably two at most with the rest down my legs. Then I discovered the trick. You squeeze the cup edges against each other at one end and drink from the spout at the other end.

And it worked. For a while. However I obviously got tired and started to not do it so well because on two occasions near the end I managed to not drink Powerade but inhale most of it up my nose, something I seriously don’t recommend!!

Heated Up Sports Gels:
Whilst I can understand it’s unfeasible for the LA Marathon to supply sports gels along the route it did pose a slight problem in how I was going to carry the 3 packs that I had worked out I needed. This included a lot extensive research of what others had done which included duct taping them to themselves and safety pinning them to the inside of their shorts.

Being a bit of a wuss I went with the latter option for two and made Baby Billie hold onto one for the first 6 miles. Now this was not only slightly uncomfortable but also had a second negative result – I heated up my sports gels.

Having run up till now with a running backpack on for my long runs I was used to having yucky tasting sports gels at normal temperatures. Now I had hot yucky sports gels and this was definitely not an improvement. Add to this I managed to lose my first one a dose too early and couldn’t open my last one (or the Powerbar some kind spectator gave me) because I was so darn tired that I couldn’t co-ordinate my fingers and we can safely say this won’t go down as my best marathon fuelling experience ever.

People Collapsing In Front Of You:
I’m a competitive fool who had a very unrealistic finish time in my head and around mile 18 when I was seriously behind I was undecided on what road to go down. I could carry on at the manageable pace I was at and get an okay time or I could speed up and push myself right to my limits for the next 8.2 miles and potentially throw up and collapse at the end.

Then I saw one of the fittest guys I’ve ever seen had dropped down in front of me and was not looking very good at all. The emergency services were there in a flash and were amazing with dealing with him and also in helping me make a decision – it’s just a marathon and you just need to get to the end. Not that that means I’m still not feeling really rather fed up that I didn’t achieve my time (damn my over-competitive self).

The End Pains:
I would say I don’t know why I decided to sprint the last mile of the marathon when I’d found the last 5 miles so hard but I do – it was my pride. Billie Myers had been doing some amazing reverse psychology on me all the way up to the marathon by being totally unsupportive when I tried to get her to give me some reassuring words about my 26.2 run, so when I knew she was going to be at the end I wasn’t going to be seen dragging myself over the line. I was going to go through the line looking like it had been a doddle.

Which is exactly what I did. I sprinted past people as I made my way down that last mile (which I miscalculated thinking the 26 mile marker was the end…) and powered(ish) through the end.

Then I stopped running and OMG everything hit at once.

First I went light headed. Then I turned into a drunk staggering from someone trying to get me a medal to someone else trying to wrap me in tin foil. Then the pain began. I can not describe the pain I felt in that first 20 minutes. My calves were killing me, my feet were throbbing like two big red blocks of pain and whilst I wanted to find everyone I seriously couldn’t move.

They were going to have to come to me.

But there posed another problem. My iPhone was attached to my arm and that meant I had to move limbs to get it off. Cue me taking 5 minutes to do what usually took 20 seconds with a lot of vocal “OUCH…. OUCH… OUCH!!”s.

Then I had to try and type something. Now remember I was already having problems opening bars and drinks and was by this point seriously tired. You cannot imagine how long it took me to type what was possibly the shortest message in the world. But I did it. Now all I needed to wait.

Well actually no. Now was when the AT&T saga began. Whilst I was getting all kinds of messages from my O2 network in the UK. Could I get any signal for more than two seconds on AT&T? No. It involved me having to walk stagger up and down the sidewalk to try and get a signal just in case someone wanted to get in touch. Cue a whole lot more “OUCH OUCH OUCH”s…. but never mind Ms Myers and crew were going to have to eat their disrespecting words…

Or not.

After what seemed like hours I got the first message back that the LA crew had got stuck in traffic (not their fault, the LA Marathon had decided to close every road ever built making it impossible for anyone to get anywhere even with hours of planning the night before) and hadn’t been at the finish so effectively I’d killed myself for nothing at all. My ego and me were gutted.

So would all those bad elements stop me running another marathon?

When I first finished I’d have said yes. Now I’m thinking a bit differently about it and the answer is probably not…. though I have conditions – I’d only run another if I was running it with someone else.

Marathons are life changing experiences but I think the experience running it alone is very different to running it with someone else. Alone it’s a fight against the voices in your head. Together it’s sharing an amazing experience and achievement…. which leads me to the question who’s going to run the next one with me?!?!