Michelle’s Marathon Madness: Snow, Ice, Nerves And Inadequate Planning

So there are now just 75 days to the LA Marathon and I’m as far from my blasé everything is going to be fine stage as is humanly possible. In fact I’ve entered the stage where I go pale and feel the need to take rather deep breaths and tap my fingers dramatically just thinking about it.

And it’s not just about the running that’s bothering me, though I’m pretty sure I’ve totally forgotten how to do that. I’m also slightly anxious that the only thing I’ve paid for is the marathon entry. This leaves me with flights to organise, hotels to sort out, oh and then there’s the running shoes that I need to buy and run in, but not run in too much so they’re dead by the marathon time which I have no idea how to time properly.

I know what you’re thinking. I should calm down and jusr go and organise everything. Well easier said than done. Firstly the running shoes. I don’t want anything special. I just want a certain brand of shoes that I know will cushion my feet and give them the support they need. In fact I know the exact pair I want. It’s the pair you see in every running shop you go in. The pair there’s always plenty of them to choose from.

But not now. Oh no. Now I’m in a panic they don’t have any in my size ANYWHERE. Not even on the internet. Not even if I keep pressing refresh just in case they restock in the split second between the last refresh. And yes I have already reached the point of wondering whether it’s worth shaving a bit off the top of my toes so I can get in the size below.

Then there’s the flights and hotels. Well that’s just getting more confusing by the second. The LA marathon has certain hotels it recommends so my plan had always been to just go with one of those and buy flights separately.

Sounds like a plan. A good plan in fact. So why then did I decide it would be a good idea to go looking at flight and hotel deals. Now I’ve done that I know I can get much better deals, but then they aren’t anywhere near the start or the end of the marathon which means organising other hotels to use the night before the big day. Now when most people reached this point they would just stop being silly and just go back to plan A. Not me. I’m now onto about Plan J which I think has me staying in a different hotel in a different part of LA every night with me flying out there and coming back on a cargo ship. And don’t expect it to stop there. I believe by tomorrow I will be on at least plan AZ.

But enough about all this slightly very important stuff. You want to know how well the running is going? Well let’s see in the last month I pulled my left hamstring so badly I couldn’t even walk on it without looking like a complete fool and doing grimacing, then just as that was healing I went out running in the heavy snow and promptly smacked myself into a park bench mid skid to try and not fall over. Cue my knee swelling up, growing a second knee to the side, turning black and not bending. Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, the cushioning in my current running shoes has now completely gone and caused me to injury my tendon in my left foot which means having to buy ANOTHER pair of running shoes to fill the gap between now and when I should start running in the marathon shoes that I don’t know when to start running in so they aren’t worn out.

And in true Brit form I’ve not finished moaning yet. I’ve got plenty left in the tank. Here in the UK it has snowed a lot recently. Apparently it’s the first time it’s ever happened because no one bothered to grit the roads or do anything on the pavements meaning it snowed and then promptly turned to ice. Very slippery ice. Now in some places that’s fine. You can jump onto crispy bits of grass that has so hard they jar your ankle, but not everywhere. And definitely not on a certain bridge in a little village called Cookham near where I live.

Approaching said quaint bridge I saw an old couple tentatively edging down the edge of the bridge holding onto the side all the way. I thought that’s quite sweet but a little over the top and was a quite looking forward to jogging past and impressing them. That was until I actually got to the bridge, also now known unaffectionately as the ice rink. Completely covered in thick ice from one side to the other, I had totally misjudged it and coming at it at some speed (that’s possibly the biggest exaggeration of the year so far) I immediately skidded about three metres forward and for the second time in less than a week smacked myself into a solid object, this time in the shape of a very large brick bridge. Now obviously this collision made something of a noise which caused the couple who are still very tentatively edging along to look round (whilst holding on VERY tight to the bridge), to which I who had just about regained my composure then also looked behind me pretending I had no idea what on earth that noise could be either…

Oh and if you think that’s as worse as it could get, another 10 miles later into the run when I would really have been happy if someone had just shot me and put me out of my misery I realised my brain had obviously fallen out somewhere because I came to a gate on a public footpath that I couldn’t for the life of me fathom how to open. After faffing about for at least five minutes whilst trying to jog at the same time I decided the best bet would be to just leap over it which I did and I couldn’t get over how impressed I was for doing it. In fact I was still praising myself at the other end of the field when I approached another gate that I actually managed to open…. then discovered after running a metre that an elastic cord on my running jacket was still attached to it causing me to be flung dramatically back again.

I hate running.