Why Parents Encouraging Same Sex Teen Relationships Is The Best Way To Protect Their LGBT Child
Posted: 30th Jul 2010 Author: Michelle Penny Topics: Coming Out, News
When the University of Michigan published findings of a new study looking at the impact that same sex relationships had on teenagers earlier this week, the response was sadly underwhelming. News of happy gay teenagers wasn’t a good enough headline to grab the attention of the mainstream media or readers more interested in what celebrity had done what naughty gay thing or some horribly homophobic story that get us all gasping. And that has meant what are actually very useful findings in supporting our LGBT youth have ended up being ignored.
Carried out by researchers headed up by Professor Jose Bauermeister, assistant professor at Michigan University’s School of Public Health, the study saw 350 lesbian, gay and bisexual teenagers from three New York drop in centres for the LGBTQ community interviewed over a two year period to assess how high the levels of depression and anxiety that they were experiencing were in comparison to heterosexual teenagers. Bringing together the findings in a paper entitled “Relationship trajectories and psychological well-being among sexual minority youth” the reality is that many of us would have expected to see the LGB group be the weakest in terms of self esteem and positive self identity. The reality though was quite the opposite was true.
Finding that same sex teenagers of both genders actually tended to have higher levels of self esteem than their heterosexual counterparts, the study also found that being in same sex relationship also acted to reduced levels of internalised homophobia with this positive impact occurring in as short as one month for girls with the boys feeling the same benefit but taking that little bit longer. One surprising finding though was that in the case of LGB teens who were in opposite sex relationships and suppressing their sexuality that whilst there was no real positive aspect, there was no real negative impact either leading the researchers to sugges that there was some form of protective element about it for those involved.
Interesting and thought provoking these findings do act to prove many assumptions that both the LGBT community and heterosexual community often hold, but the question is, as with all studies, is there anything in these findings that can really be applied to real life to make the situation for LGBT youth coming to terms with their sexuality any easier?
Put simply the answer is yes.
What this research has acted to do is reveal something that we don’t hear very often. That the teenage years of an LGBT person can be happy times, that they can be filled with positive memories and life affirming experiences and aren’t as a matter of course all about facing homophobia both externally and internally. It has shown that if same sex relationships are able to flourish at the times when teenagers are learning to come to terms with their sexuality, it won’t like many believe act to confuse them more, but has the ability to do quite the opposite and make them feel more comfortable about who they are as a person.
It is important though to recognise that whilst the University of Michigan research makes it appear that all LGB teens these days are more confident and happily entering into same sex relationships. The reality is this isn’t something that is a wider spread thing. More teenagers are hiding who they are than being out and proud. The reason Bauermeister and his researcher were able to get such positive results was because they used a sample of teenagers who actively attended LGBT drop in centres. Now by no means am I saying these teens aren’t troubled by their sexuality in any way, but the fact they’ve made a conscious decision to embrace their sexuality to at least some degree to attend the centers proves they do already have some confidence in who they are as an LGBT person and therefore feel more confident about entering into same sex relationships. For each one of those there will be 100s more too scared to make that first step out of the closet, let alone out the front door.
So what can done to make sure that the findings of this research are replicated with a much larger percentage of LGBT teens? The first thing has to be a more positive attitude towards same sex relationships at a young age from parents, teachers and the media. The case at the moment is that this isn’t what is happening. People are more obsessed with what could happen to a teenager by being part of a same sex relationship than actually the benefits a teenager may get. Parents, for example, all too often will try to move their child away from a same sex relationship not necessarily because they feel it is wrong to be gay, but because they want to protect their child from the abuse that they may face from others for being in one. The reality though, as this study has shown, is that letting them be in the relationship acts to have far more benefits than disadvantages. It not only allows them to really explore these feelings they are having in a secure and loving environment, but by making it something that doesn’t have any barriers to it also doesn’t make them feel that it is something that is wrong.
And that is the most important thing of all. LGBT teenagers make up the highest percentages of depressed and suicidal youth and that’s because of one thing – they feel that being LGBT is something that isn’t right, they not only feel that people don’t like them for who they are, they in the majority don’t think they are either. Now that is a very different gay teen to the one that the University of Michigan is talking about, but the reality is that the fix to the problem isn’t big. It’s all about positive attitudes. It’s about allowing teens to really feel that they can explore their feelings without judgement. It’s about creating positive role models in dramas that do just that. It’s not wrapping our teens in cotton wool until we think they’re old enough to truly deal with their sexuality because by the time they reach that point the scars are going to be too deep to ever really heal.
And that is why this story didn’t deserve to be just another page filler and front page news.
Photo credit: Kamshots
