Queeried’s 10 Step Heterosexual Guide To Meeting A Gay Person

Whilst we, the gay and lesbian people of this world, know a fair few other gays and lesbians there are some heterosexuals other there who don’t believe they know any at all, and the thought of actually having to come into contact with us strange types can seem like bit daunting. For example what exactly is the protocol for behaving around a gay person? Are there things that you should or shouldn’t say? Things you should or shouldn’t do?

Well actually, as you know there are, and so to prove that it isn’t all about us versus them, here at Queeried we’ve put together what we believe to be a very helpful guide on what heterosexual people should do when they come into contact with a gay, lesbian or bisexual person.

1. Don’t Scream

It’s understandable that suddenly realising you’re talking to a gay person is going to come as something of a shock to you, but we strongly advise against screaming, and it’s for two reasons. First it’s a little bit rude. Second your over-dramatic reaction is likely to have said gay person thinking you’re a gay too, because if there’s one thing we all are, without exception, it’s overly dramatic.

2. Don’t Immediately Try To Escape

Now that you’ve established there’s a gay person in front of you you’re probably going to want to run all the way home, shut the door, secure all the locks and put a cupboard in front of it. It sounds like a good plan, however just to make sure you don’t give them the wrong idea, and think you’re actually just playing hard to ge,t we advise slowly edging away to not make it so noticeable.

3. Don’t Assume That They Are Immediately Attracted To You Because You’re The Same Sex As Them

Now this is probably going to be something of a shocker, but strange as it seems it appears that not all gays and lesbians are attracted to anyone just because they are the same sex as them. Obviously we admit most are, but you know you might be one of the lucky ones whose talking to one of the few who actually aren’t just sex crazed animals after whatever meat they can get.

4. Don’t Assume That The Fact They’re Not Dressed In Bright Pink Means They’re Not Proud Of Being Gay

Obviously if someone is really committed to their gayness then they should be covered in rainbow tattoos and dressed in a bright gay Pink, however don’t assume just because the person you’re talking to, who is dressed more like you than a gay isn’t proud of who they are. They probably are, it’s most likely it’s just that Pink doesn’t go with their skin tone and they’re allergic to tattoo needles. Be sensitive to this and don’t start inquiring about why they don’t dress “gay”, they’ll be suffering enough discrimination and bullying from their own people.

5. Don’t Assume That Everything They Have To Say Is Going To Be Connected To Being Gay

Now let’s be honest if you talk to a gay person there’s likely to be a lot of talk about rainbows, Graham Norton, the L Word and having sex in public toilets, what with the LGBT lifestyle being so very different to that of the heterosexual one. Don’t be surprised though to discover that sometimes they will talk about non gay issues like the weather (well okay rainbows might come up again), politics and even comment on straight people. It is only momentary and will pass.

6. Don’t Feel The Need To Keep Telling Them You’re Straight

The LGBT crowd are quite a perceptive crowd and can tend to spot one of their “kind” so don’t feel you need to work too hard at letting them know that you are straight. However if you do feel slightly anxious that they may have mistaken you for one of their crew then just make sure you mention your opposite sex partner as much as possible in conversation just to make sure.

7.  Don’t Ask Them When They Decided They Were Going To Be Gay

We, as the LGBT community, like to promote the idea that we were born this way, mainly because it’s easier than having to remember dates of when we decided we actually wanted to choose a lifestyle that sees us face discrimination and hatred on a daily basis, so don’t push the issue. You’re only likely to make the gay person cross as you highlight their inability to remember dates.

8. Don’t Expect Them To be As Intrigued About You Being A Heterosexual As You Are About Them Being a Gay

Obviously there is a large chance that you are likely to find meeting a gay somewhat repulsive, but if you can get your gag reflex under control then it’s likely you’re going to find this alien specie quite intriguing. Don’t be offended that they don’t feel the same way, it’s not anything to do with you and your dull personality it’s because it’s most likely they’ve actually be raised by heterosexuals (who obviously found them left under a gay bush).

9. Don’t Be Afraid To Discuss Normal Things Like Movies With A Gay Person

Now it’s true that the gay world is sex obsessed, and that the only films they ever really want to watch are badly made gay pornos, however it’s important to remember that with more people signing up to the gay lifestyle every day that these gay pornos aren’t always going to be in stock so they have to make do with watching mainstream films every now and then. All we advise is when you do try to talk about films, you make sure you get the title exactly right, you know what these porn filmmakers are like with their naughty “Romancing The Bone” and “Ocean’s 11 Inches” titles… well actually you probably don’t.

10. Don’t Assume That All Gay People Know All Other Gay People

The gay world are indeed the social butterflies of this world, but with research suggesting as much as 10% of the world’s population is gay there is the likelihood that some gay people haven’t had the time to meet all the other gay people in the world, so don’t be surprised if they don’t know that gay man you once met in Timbuktu, they’ve probably just been busy.. being gay.

Photo Credit: Ewen and Donobel