I’m Just Sayin’: How Out Can You Really Be With Your Family

My 89-year-old grand father just came up with a brilliant idea – or so he thinks! Are you ready for this? Out of nowhere, he suddenly decided to take on the grand – and very much impossible – mission to find me a husband. Phew! And to think I thought I was going to have [...]

I’m Just Sayin’: I’m Not Unapproachable, They’re Just Undesirable

The last thing I expected when I agreed to meet one of my “exs” for lunch – and by “ex”, I use the term loosely – was to actually be the main piece de resistance, and not even served on a silver platter! You think it would have behooved her to give me a little [...]

I’m Just Sayin: I’m Late… For My Own Life

Here’s something new I just discovered about me: I am late! Now please, for the love of God spare me the flinching, cringing, eyebrow raising, eye-rolling, sighing, and don’t even dare thinking of throwing me a baby shower. Unless, unbeknownst to me, I have been anointed by the Holy one and sorely miscast as the [...]

I’m Just Sayin: I’ve Finally Worked Out The Meaning Of Life

If I didn’t know better, I’d say that the universe is definitely out to get me. As a matter of fact, I had imagined in great details this colossal inter-galactic coming together of all cosmos, constellations and celestial creatures at some stellar lah-de-dah resort to remarkably concoct a massive conspiracy against me. Because, surely, I [...]

I’m Just Sayin’: Do I Look Like A Sex Toy Tester?

As if things in my personal life weren’t stressful and complicated enough already, now my work – which had, so far, safely remained sort of a Switzerland zone in the united states of mind of Mona – just got warped. Here’s the deal. As a general cardinal rule of thumb, when it comes to clients [...]

I’m Just Sayin’: How This Wannabe Lawyer Turned Into A Rockstar Publicist

As a kid, I never had any burning aspirations to become a publicist. It simply was not in the list of fancy professions with a fancy paycheck – you know the ones that make people go “WOW, you’re a _______ (fill in the blank). To tell you the truth, I wasn’t even quite clear as [...]

I’m Just Sayin: The L Word Should Have Stayed A Dream World

A few days ago, I was hanging out at the park up on Laurel Canyon with George Michael – no, not the singer, he’s too busy being under the influence and causing a ruckus somewhere London or maybe Texas, but my little canine aka“Georgie the Westie” – when I met Fiona. Now, don’t get too [...]

I’m Just Sayin: I’m Not An Angry Person I Just Have A Lot Of Anger In Me

In case you were not aware of it since my humble self has been so modestly discreet about it (see columns dated June 11 & June 18) but I recently celebrated another birthday. What that means is that for one day I was the center of the universe – well, at least virtually, on planet [...]

I’m Just Sayin’: I’ve Been Cheated Out Of My Cheating Experience!

Sometimes I really wish I could go to confession and get absolved for all my sins. Just spill it all out and clean my plate – so to speak – so I could just pretend none of my fuck-ups ever happened and be totally guilt-free. Well maybe I wouldn’t so much divulge all of my [...]

I’m Just Sayin: Dear Australia, I Apologise For Being A Bitch

I’m still not quite sure what exactly was going through my head when I somehow convinced myself that spending my 39th birthday in the land down under was the most brilliantly fabulous idea ever known to mankind. I guess like most of my other grandiose flashes of genius, everything always sound uber cool at three [...]

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