I’m Just Sayin… It Was Me That Pioneered Photoshop (To Make George Michael My Boyfriend)

Just when I thought I had fully mastered all the multiple uniquely intricate facets of my fascinating personality, some recent daunting new findings evidently had to randomly emerge to totally wreck the pathological foundation of my very being.
Because of one stupid little psychological test, the past two years I religiously spent as a consecrated hermit [...]

I’m Just Sayin’: George Michael Was Meant To Be My Husband

When I was young – as in a little child – all I kept hearing night and day was “She’s doing amazingly OK,” almost always followed by the grandiose claim “she’s a great kid, full of potential! She’ll go far in life.”
I wasn’t quite sure who my parents were talking about but I certainly wanted [...]

I’m Just Sayin’: Delusional Lesbian Envy

This is going to sound terribly wrong but I’m going to say it anyway!
How on earth do ugly fat lesbians get the nerve to confidently claim that they have a line of women knocking at their doors? And by women, they don’t just mean any human being of the female specie but specifically the drop-dead [...]

I’m just saying! : The Forgotten Lesbian Love Affair

I have a huge problem … I’m almost forty!
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not at all panicking about the fact that I am getting older and nearing that middle decaying point of my life. I’m certainly not one of those women agonizing about the fatal beginning of the end – you know that [...]

Mona Says… The Art of Romance

I think I might be spending too much time with my super sexy therapist.
I am basing my suspicion on the fact that now we somehow managed to be on the same menstrual cycle. I know…too much information! But this is quite a catastrophic predicament to be in when you have a super crush on someone. [...]

Mona Says… Being Exceptionally Ordinary

I’ve come to the terms with the shocking fact that apparently I am not as particularly unique of a human being as I thought I extraordinarily was. While this unexpected news was at first tremendously disturbing to me, I have at last psychologically overcome this unmanageable upset. Well ok, my super sexy therapist made me [...]

Mona Says… The Imaginary Girlfriend

My ex-boyfriend’s boyfriend, Michael, sent me an email this week to help me put to rest the mind-torturing question that has been consuming my thoughts for these past couple of weeks: why do couples always want us single people to be in a relationship?
It’d be quite OK if it was just a wish, but most [...]

Mona Says… The Art Of French Kissing

I know you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your sexy princess but surely there’s got to be some sort of deadline attached to this insupportably excruciating process of elimination. Someone please let me see the end of the tunnel soon because I am about to kill myself or else move [...]

Mona Says… The Bisexual Phobia

I like to think of myself as a newbie when it comes to lesbian related etiquette – the so-called dos and don’ts of table manners. After all, I only have a decade under my belt as a devout “woman who likes women” practitioner and, granted, not a whole lot of dating mileage to account for.
While [...]

Mona Says… Menage A Trois

So I just celebrated another birthday and to hallmark the milestone of being only two years shy of the big 40, I decided to have an adult party – adult as in now that I am mature and wiser I don’t need to get trashed, high, loud and make a spectacle of myself.
For this very [...]

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